Searching: Item Not Found

Purba Ray needs no introduction but I wouldn’t be done out of an opportunity to express my admiration for this stellar blogger.

I came across  Purba’s blog  A-Musing over a year ago. Her exquisite wit combined with her absolutely delightful language mixed with a ‘Oh So Rare!’ penchant for calling a spade a spade had me tied into knots. I will never be able to extricate myself from her spell, I know that- because I don’t want to be. Her magic is potent; her spells are powerful. Once sold, you stay sold.

She is not only prolific, she also consistently maintains spectacular quality. Her humor is never stale; her punches are never weary. For a humor writer, these are not easy standards to maintain consistently. Purba vaults over these benchmarks as effortlessly as a Cheetah going 90miles and hour. All in a day’s work, you know?

To have Purba on my blog today is a delight that defies expression. All I can say- with all sincerity- is, “This is a landmark for me. I am ecstatic that a star lends her presence to my humble abode”.

Thank you for this pleasure Purba!

Without further ado then, let me get out of the way and let you soak in the magic this lady conjures up! Feel free to admire- and freer to express!

 What do you do when you lose something? You start looking for it, right? Searching for things I’ve misplaced is my favourite cardio. I jump high, I stoop low, I move up and down the length of our apartment at frenetic pace, not once but many times, hoping that the offending object that had the temerity to get lost will finally show its face. I then add some strength training to my search routine – lifting mattresses, sofa cushions, moving dressers until rivulets of sweat start trickling down my back. I behave like a woman possessed till I find the ‘missing credit card’ nestling peacefully in the deep cavernous folds of my skirt’s pocket.

God forbid if I can’t find the misplaced article! Being a great believer in equality, the size or the value of the ‘missing one’ is immaterial to the intensity of my grief. My heart turns to lead as I constantly think back of the good times I had with my now missing hairbrush. How she was always there when I needed her, running her soft bristles through my hair in silence. I wonder if she’s doing okay, if she will ever forgive me for my carelessness. In the solitude of my thoughts I seek her forgiveness.

All the things I have lost and never found have a special little compartment in my heart.

The reunion is of course a different story. Like the tiny stub of my eye-pencil that I’d misplaced way back in December revealed itself to me under the covers of the bed. Oh, how I hugged it. Then I put it in my box and forgot all about it.

Lesson no.1 – If you want a woman to remember you for always, get lost and stay lost!

What does your husband do when he can’t find his car keys for the 456th time?

He looks at you with lost puppy eyes. After all, the wife is the family’s very own Google. Just type in the damn thing you’re looking for and she’ll comb through the World Wide Web and find it for you, no matter what. She will repeat the same search operation – a combination of cardio and strength training. Only this time it comes with sound effects so powerful that the husband stands cowering in a corner with his head drooping.

It gets worse when he keeps those ‘very important documents’ in such a safe place that even he can’t find it. He looks at you again with those lost puppy eyes. Only this time you stand smouldering in a corner and giving him the silent treatment. It works. He breaks down and promises to make you the sole undertaker of all things consequential. This time you’re Mozilla Firefox – you recall past history, make a quick inventory of all his favourite ‘hiding places’ and raid them and return triumphantly flapping those documents in your hand.

Lesson no. 2 – Never trust your husband’s memory. Always make him write down the exact location of his safe places and make sure you never apply this rule to yourself.

The kids are fast learners, especially when it comes to learning from their Dad. Every time they can’t find their report card, id-cards, library cards, the lucky tee that has not seen the washing machine since the day it was born – they just scream the magic words, MAAAAA. Strangely this ‘mom knows everything’ stance is adopted only when she has to be deployed as a search locator. For everything else it’s – what does mom know?

Interestingly, when it comes to your own things, like your favourite pen, that perfume for special occasions, your stash of gift-wrapping papers, your chandelier earrings, that pretty clutch in jade and the 50 Shades of Grey that you’d carefully hidden in a ‘very safe place’, your daughter will always know its exact location. It’s as if she engages in mental telepathy with them. The only problem is when you want them, they are always missing because why bother keeping those damn scissors from where you’d taken them and make life less challenging for Mom?

Now do you realize the immense responsibility of being a woman! Besides the mandatory caring, sharing and nurturing, she not only has to search for stuff that she has lost but also for things that her family can’t find. She not only grieves for her missing items but also for stuff that her husband and kids left behind at airports, resorts and cabs. Every colour, every touch induces a new bout of nostalgia in her. She feels the softness of the leather of the handbag she’s just bought and sighs – remember my sexy pair of gloves with lace trimmings that your dad threw in the garbage chute “by mistake”! She then looks at her husband with soulful eyes and shakes her head in resignation.

Lesson no. 3 – A woman may forget the mistakes she has made but she’ll never let you forget the mistakes you’ve made. And since we are apostles of self-sacrifice for the sake of the well-being of humanity, we are willing to make mistakes for others to learn from them.

See how tough it is to be a woman! We spend our entire lives either grieving for things we left behind or searching for something or the other – be it love, the meaning of life or the missing keys.

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56 thoughts on “Searching: Item Not Found”

  1. ROFL Purba ! This made such a delightful start to my Sunday. ! I think there are gnomes in my house who do nothing but hide my things !
    Thank you Dangy for featuring Purba here !

  2. The family’s own Google and Firefox is so right! And sometimes you wonder if Mothers wouldn’t make world’s best interrogators. How does one otherwise explain the 100% success ratio in finding your missing item once their 20 questions about how, where and when have been asked.
    Great to read Purba on Dagny’s blog!

  3. Wife is the family’s own Google …quotable quote.
    With her effortless prose and trenchant wit, Purba is compulsively readable. Always.
    Loved the introduction, no one does it like Dagny.

  4. A magical post so easy to relate to and gave a feeling of witnessing the things happen at home. There could still be many more adjectives added, Dagny for a prolific writer like Purba and something would still have got left out!

  5. THAT was a great – but every bit deserved introduction – Dagny!

    AND, Purba, after this post I seem to have misplaces my sense of gravitas 🙂 Since I have no woman in the house, I must plead with you to find it as well – since YOU caused me to lose it 😛

    1. Believe me Suresh, you’re better off without a woman in your life. Imagine being made to feel like an errant kid every time you manage to misplace your stuff!

  6. WOWO.. now what can i write as a comment here that cud do justice to this one .. Purba indeed is one of the best bloggers that i have had the pleasure of reading and each time i go and read a article from her its WORTH the visit ..

    and the three points .. DULY noted now I know when I get shouted at by anyone in the house and especially if its a lady ..

    indeed we men have it easy then .. so easyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🙂

    thanks for the laughs Purba and Dagny .. heres to more such laughter riots 🙂


  7. What a wonderful read for my Sunday eve and coincidence is that I was just looking for my hairbrush and found the phone instead. Started surfing and voila.

  8. Nice post Purba….agree with google, firefox and WWW comparison. Added to this, if you take a minute more to find those missing items, the family sends us on a guilt trip….”I remember giving it to you, and now you have lost it.”
    And I loved the ending too 🙂
    Dagny – everyone would want to write guest blog for you just for THAT introduction.

    1. Oh, tell me about it. Given my penchant for spring cleaning regardless of the season, every time my daughter can’t find her tee/tights/books/registers – she blames me!

  9. This was hilarious. I am imagining you running around searching things here and there. But….umm…does Mr Ray give you that “You need to organize yourself” look?

    I lose stuff around because I keep forgetting where I keep them. I have even searched for my specs while wearing them (that was a face-palm moment). I once lost my car in the parking of a mall….ask Tee she will confirm.
    P.S. I dare you to try and find something in my room.

    1. I know why you find it hilarious 😐

      Your room has unidentifiable living things crawling all over the place. I wonder how your Mom tolerates it.

  10. I got my mom to read this post! She agreed to everything written while laughing throughout! 😀
    She is now calling herself the Google of our family! 😀 😛

  11. Absolutely loved the ‘tech’ comparisons, especially the Firefox one where you browse the history and such like 🙂

    As for me, I tend to remember where I have kept things that I am looking for when I am in the loo, on the pot, in a reflective mood. Just like people ‘sleep over things’ I guess I tend to ‘sit over things’ every once in a while to try and remember where I saw them last 🙂

    Sorry if this comment was a little distasteful, but it is true, that much I can tell you 🙂

    1. Jairam, the truth is, all great thoughts are conceived on the “pot”.
      And retracing your steps is a foolproof method of searching for misplaced things. I do it all the time.

  12. Even though this is an everyday thing that all women go through , it has been given such a humorous twist to it that it actually sounds like an enjoyable exercise ! I mean how do u do it Purba ? 😮
    Great Post !!!!

  13. That was an excellent introduction and absolutely spot on. Dagny sure introduces one like a dream. Purba, meri dukhti ragh chhed di. I could constantly see the puppy eyes as I read your post. My husband can’t find his spectacles every single day, sometimes more than once in a day. Uff, the searching I do. Everything you wrote is bang on including how I put stuff in a ‘safe’ place never to be found again. With the right giggles, this post was funny and witty. Great to have you here, Purba!

    1. Don’t you wish his specs came with a beeping tone or your house had a CCTV! These days I’m petrified of his lost puppy look, especially when it’s something he’s kept “in a very safe place”.

      And Rachna, this is from a veteran – it’s going to get worse 🙁

      Thank you for your kind words, Rachna.

  14. A delightful post out of the mundane, as usual Purba! Sometimes I wonder at the amount of drama that happens in a family. Thank you Dagny and your introduction does full justice to Purba 🙂 Looking forward for more.

  15. omg!! I could hear my mom’s voice saying – “I’m not Google!!”
    We used to shout for mom to help us find everything!! 😛

    but, here nowadays – its the opposite – K keeps track of things, he is the one I go to if I misplace things (which is most of the time!!)
    He is organized and I’m absent minded!! 😀

  16. I concur about the pests…I mean kids!! Only The Husband at my end is the one who gives the lectures about keeping things in the proper place, which is why I never ever confide in him about losing anything!!

  17. I never misplace things. I have lost few things though. However, I have misplaced my jump drive recently and it has everything one has to have in it 🙁 I rally really hope to find it. And men and kids..all belong to the same category. My son…don’t have to tell anything about him…and my daughter she is exactly the person you mentioned in your post. And I am the google of the house, no doubt. I can tell you which shelf the tooth picks are to which box the safety pins are hidden in which cabinet and which bathroom of the house…sigh!!!

  18. I always forget where I have kept my specs, before going out in the morning, I pester my mom to find it for me and her loud roaring also involves dad in the search..

  19. Lesson Three is so true! My Mom is a women and she keeps harping on my past blunders, why u left the jobs and see now..u will never be disciplined. Enjoyed throughout reading Purba and thanks, Dangy for the efforts.
    When Purba writes, one just has to sit like school kids and listen…read:) Delightful:)

  20. Generally, I like to keep things and find them my self. Mother, having gotten used to it doesn’t interfere.. On the occasion that I cannot find something, I will ask her and she will find it in jiffy in a place that I would have already checked.. It is conspiracy, I tell you. Things go missing and come out when mothers look for them

    1. Mothers have superpowers. With their magic wands make everything right. That’s why we go running to them every time we feel lost and need some comfort.

  21. LOL! I see this is a common trait in almost all of the houses. Loved each of the lessons but the third one made me go ROFL. 😀

    Sharing it right away with the ‘husband’. 😀

  22. Pingback: Farewell 2014 | Serenely Rapt

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