I noticed something funny at Linkedin.

All day, the most numerous updates I get on Linkedin are from these two females who keep ‘connecting’ with people all day long. The grim zeal with which they connect with an average of 70 people a day (each) is frightening. One of them has a profile picture that is unpleasantly reminiscent of Madame Defarge whose placid vengefulness bespoke greater malevolence than a more flashy manifestation would have done. ‘Hatchet’ is the word that springs unbidden to the mind when one sees that picture. 

The other female, mercifully, has no picture at all. Not that this is a cause for joy… for a blank canvas lends itself even more readily to flights of imagination. Specially if you were me. You are not, you say? Ah! That is all very warm and cozy for you; what about me? Apocalypse

Is there really something in the Mayan Calendar and is the apocalypse really coming? Are we all going to die on December 21st 2012? I find that so sad. Specially the 21st. It wouldn’t have been so macabre if the date were 31st, you know?

Is there a special place in heaven for those who were most ‘connected’ on Linkedin? Have I been needlessly lax in ignoring the whole ‘end- of- the- world’ caper as the frenzied imaginings (in atrocious taste that too) of feeble minds? Do I need to thank these women for (unintentionally) making me realize that I am standing two ticks away from kingdom come..?! Egad..!

I imagine these two women belonging to some secret society. The society may or may not indulge in horrible human sacrifices on full moon nights. They may or may not dutifully feast on the roasted hearts of the sacrificial victims. They may or may not play hockey with the skull and bones of those sacrificed eons ago. We shall not quibble about minor issues. They are irrelevant, as I am sure you will agree.

What is relevant is that they have been initiated into the dark rites of the society. The have secret hand gestures to greet each other when they meet in the ‘world’. At some corner of their bodies they have a tattoo of the Mayan calendar shown here. Their dedication to the cause bleeds all the frivolity out of their psyche. Laughter and happiness are an abomination to them.

There are well-trained soldiers of the grimmest (and grimiest) battle in the history of mankind. The survival of the race is certain and they have accepted the fact with a courage which is heroic in its stoic calm. They must look beyond the unstoppable and inevitable disaster. As true visionaries, they must think about rebuilding the world and engineering the biggest renaissance the world has ever seen. For this, the right people need to be protected by placing them as high in heaven as is possible.

I wonder if I should show support for their cause in some small way. After all, it is the thought that counts. I thought long and hard. Finally I got the brainwave I was trying to squeeze out of my tangled grey matter.

I have decide not to smile anymore. While I expect you to support me in my decision, I am aware that human nature will kick in.

Consequently, I shouldn’t be surprised (but I would be deeply pained) if you go out of your way to sabotage my little gesture. You may crack a joke. In fact I suppose you will crack several. My self-control, however, shall render your attempts bootless. Just as a reformed alcoholic can scoff at temptation with his nostrils full of the delectable aroma of fine scotch, so also will I respond to your jokes with the unblinking, glassy stare of a stuffed frog. I hate ostentation of any kind and I’d be the last person to show off. But try me if you dare. Not a smile I tell ya..!

Its lucky for the world that I have no ambition. Or I might have begun hounding people all over the internet wanting to ‘connect’.


And you thought God has forgotten you?