…because you made it impossible for me to speak the truth.
You don’t have the guts to hear it. You are too weak and self-obsessed to to make space for another person. You are too terrified of what it will mean to you personally, how you may have to change the status quo, how you may need to restructure your life. My truth would surely have knocked out the foundations of your worldview and the thought is impossibly uncomfortable for you to deal with.
That’s why I lied. I will always lie to you. You don’t deserve my truth. I don’t trust you with it.
I hate to lie. I hate to be at the mercy of another person’s blindness or stupidity. To lie is to feel robbed of vigor and energy. It feels as if I have poured all my power into the one to whom I am lying. I feel as if I am a lifeless puppet on a string; I must dance when they command. I hate feeling like that. Do you hear me? I HATE IT!
People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked…The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on…There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.
~ Ayn Rand
Yet I lied and I am not sorry. It was not an act of self-abdication. I surrendered nothing to you. I faked nothing. I just refused to become a martyr to your narrow-minded stupidity.
You have a tiny, narrow soul. There is no room for anyone but you there. Nothing can coexist with you. Your perceptions crowd out every other possibility of thought and existence from that petty narrow mind of yours. Your beliefs are like a glass cliff face on which no hand hold is possible.
There is no space in you to hold my truth.
When a man is penalized for honesty he learns to lie.
~ Criss Jami
Don’t you dare accuse me of lying! Can’t you see, there was nothing else I could do? The truth is, there was nothing else I wanted to do!
What right have you to demand that I take the trouble? You don’t want anyone to upset your apple-cart of false notions. When you choose to close yourself in that manner, don’t expect the world to bother taking the trouble to show you the faults in your thought process!
Why should I bother breaking your door down? Why should I struggle with you to show you that your house is flooded and the water rising? I will gain nothing by it. More likely than not, I will only get a punch in the face for my efforts. When you insist on being stupid, don’t complain if the world grants you your wish. Stay inside your closed, cowardly world.
I hereby leave you with your stupidity!
But Why Did You Lie?