I’m only saying this for your own good.
I probably sound mean but I am only being cruel to be kind.
If this how illogical you can get about it, you ought to give it up- even if it hurts.
I am sure you hate me for saying all this, but someone has to knock some sense into your thick skull!
I brought you the application form of XYZ course. My nephew has taken it and he is doing so well today. What!? You don’t like the field? But there is good money in it. As for prestige, you will be flying high shortly. At least look at it! What do you mean!? I was only thinking of your own good!!
I’ll make sure you go there if it is the last thing I do! If you won’t do what’s good for you, I will compel you to do it!
You should go and meet Mr ABC. I have told him you’d be calling on him. What do you mean no? Are you saying you aren’t interested?! But I did it for your own good!!
Dear Do- Gooder,
I have been meaning to have a heart to heart talk with you for long. Sit you down, therefore, and lend me your ear.
I admire your passion, I really do. Your zeal leaves me breathless with wonder. I am amazed at the amount of time you manage to find to devote to other people’s lives and business. You remain single minded in your devotion to others even though it leaves your own affairs languishing for your nurturing care. Such dedication is rare. I am gratified that you came into my life.
I know you are diametrically opposite to Henry David Thoreau on the whole concept of doing good. His self- centered arrogance, which led him to say-
As for doing good; that is one of the professions which is full. Moreover I have tried it fairly and, strange as it may seem, am satisfied that it does not agree with my constitution.
is nothing short of blasphemy! Apart from being laughable. Naturally, the man is talking through his hat. What can he know of the invaluable service a person like you selflessly gives to the world? Fool!
I shudder to think of the mess I would have made of my life if you hadn’t selflessly devoted yourself to make it better. I realize only too well how incapable and clueless I am. Why, I don’t even have the sense to come out of the rain! How can I be trusted to know what I want to do with my life?
Every aspect of my life must be safely entrusted to your capable hands. You will decide what (and when and how) I need to do. I know such an eventuality will never crop up, but if I ever need to express an opinion, you will ensure that you give me one well before time. I feel so safe and nurtured with you.
I know I can’t do better than to let you choose my path in life. After all, you have lived a lot longer than I have. Naturally you understand life better than I do. And lets face it, there’s no reason why things that have worked for your nephew/ niece or your friend’s progeny, will not work for me. Just in case there are some hiccups, it will only be because I am a lazy slacker and am not working hard enough at it. I get it completely.
There are times, I am proud to say, when it seems to me that to you I am in the nature of a change of scene- like a weekend at the beach. Everyone knows how exhilarating it is to take a break from the monotony of routine. One gets bored with doing the same thing day in and day out, wearing the rut deeper and deeper. I mean, how dull it is to be making a mess of your own life all the time! One must take a break and mess up someone else’s life for a change! I am immensely indebted to you for choosing mine. But for you, I should never have thought my life was worth living, let alone giving it a complete makeover. Much improved is a phrase that never seemed as intimate as it does now.
As for my inconvenient (to say nothing of inappropriate) impulses, I am sure under your tutelage they shall be subdued and tamed. Those that cannot be tamed shall be buried six feet under, never to see the light of day again. With time, I am certain I will not even remember I had such embarrassing impulses. My persona shall be like a smoothly polished surface of a mirror which reflects the world without ever burdening the world with its own world within. I will be a gleaming mirror on which no hand hold will ever be possible. I shall shine and twinkle with all the merry animation of the unliving.
I must now strike an unpleasant chord. I know how painful this is for you, but I must bring it up before I can apologize profusely and in all sincerity. I know it annoys you deeply (and rightly, may I say) when I am in the grip of some inner monster and pay no heed to your loving words of wisdom. For you to be angry, is more than understandable. It must irk to have your opinion thrown in your face; and when it is thrown by such a fathead as I, I can scarcely understand how you haven’t killed me yet. For this, and all my other numerous transgressions, I beg you pardon most humbly. Please forgive me for daring to reject your advise when you choose to bestow some upon my undeserving head.
Words will never be adequate for me to say all that I would to express my deep gratitude to you for your love and care. Thank you for all you have done for me. I promise you, I will try my best to prove myself worthy of your attention. Please forgive my stupidities and continue to bless my life. I really couldn’t walk a step without you.
PS: You are not a control freak.
Glad to hear u speaking the heart out. I am happy that you know ur priorities in life and is not dictated by things imposed by someone, no matter how much we love them. An enriching post:)
Vishal, I solemnly think ‘speaking your heart out’ is a trait that ought to be encouraged in the young. Glad to see that you approve. Thank you. 😀
🙂 If this doesn’t get the Do-gooder to see reason, it can only be because you, oh, inept do-goodie, have not made your point clearly enough.
Kudos, Dagny, on the sarcasm. Just loved this post. Like all normal human beings, I too have had my share of do-gooders, sent into my life to help me in spite of myself. Reading this post provided satisfaction. Thank you.
Alas Cynthia, my inadequate pen can hardly be expected to have made the point clear (or sharp) enough to penetrate the hide of your Do Gooders. Perish all thoughts of a possible reprieve instantly. You and I shall continue to suffer endlessly.
But it is so good to find solidarity with a fellow sufferer. How we crave company in our misery!
Very, very happy to see you here. Thank you for coming by. 😀
Ha ha ha!!! This certainly cracked me up. Brilliant observation and apt examples 🙂
If there is one thing I love, it is to crack you up :D. Glad you enjoyed… 😀 😀
I am glad i am the chosen one :p
I am glad too Shailee. Hugs…
I love you woman! Thank you for expressing what I haven’t manage to as yet–write an intimate piece to all the do-gooders. Adding in some of mine–thank you for your many advices and your ability to see life like I can never do and your absolutist experience of reality and of reminding that I have a long way to go to catch up with you and the only way is to follow the path that you have kindly illuminated! <3 for all those moments!
Bhavana, Are you accusing me of doing you good?! 😀
Your comment is making me shuffle me blessed feet and wishing the earth would swallow me up. Thank you for coming into my life. You make me feel un- alone. Such a precious feeling. <3 back to you.
Oh yes, this strange species roams our lands in great abundance. Haven’t we all had our trysts with these kinds? The best part is that one can brush them aside and move on. I don’t even bother telling them anything. I swat them like a fly and throw them out of my life without a thought. Have you come across a “samaj ka uddhar karne wale” species? They think they are the only ones who know what is best for man and womankind. For them, their experiences, reading blah blah is the only stuff that makes sense. These delusional people have no real relationships going for them and hence try and project as if the entire world only lives because of their logical discourses by trying to poke their idle noses into your affairs. Such pain, I tell you. Someone show them your post pronto :).
Oh those ‘samaj ke rakhwale’ types are a major pain. They know everything there is to know about everything under the sun. What they don’t know isn’t worth knowing. They have the last word to say about every aspect of your life be it health, parenting, career/ finance or relationships. They’ve read like 2.34 self help books and spout the borrowed wisdom with such an air of discovery as to justify homicide. There is nothing private in your life when they barge into your life uninvited. The alacrity with which they will turn up their noses at everything from your furniture to the cooking oil you use just about takes the top of your head off.
And the way they sulk when you refuse to take their advice!! I always look such busy bodies in the eye and tell them, articulating slowly, that I will not be following their advice. I smile sweetly when I say it and give no explanations. It makes them SO mad! 😀 😀
In a particular phase of our lives, we are completely dependent on the do-gooder and may even enjoy the security/sanctuary provided by them. Of course, we don’t have an option and we didn’t ask for it.
But once we are in a position to do-good to ourselves (!) it’s so easy and convenient to forget everything that has happened before. Like the past never existed or no one worked hard so that we could feel secure and enjoy life! Of course, they volunteered, and we didn’t ask for it, right? But we still took it. Maybe we even demanded it.
But suddenly we get this realization. That, we can do-good to ourselves (!) and we don’t need no more do-good doers anymore.
But, what we often forget during/after this ‘realization’ is – No one can ‘do-good’ to us if there was no (repayable) debt, in the first place.
I am really disappointed. I seem to be an awful writer. Looks like I haven’t managed to put my point across at all!
When I wrote to the ‘Do Gooder’ I did NOT mean those beautiful souls who have given us a leg up when we needed it… without us having asked for it. I have a handful of such friends, and I thank God for them everyday. Such people are genuinely caring and helping. They never encroach on your space and their desire is to be of assistance- NOT OF CONTROL.
In my post here, I was referring to the control freaks who try to tell you that they are trying to do things for your own good- when they aren’t.
But yes, I agree with your last point. Unless there is a carry forward of am unpaid debt, you don’t get genuine people in your life to stand by you through thick and thin.
Thank you for coming by… 🙂
Why would you (or anyone else) listen or do what control freaks tell? Unless they are in a position where they have already offered (or are offering) something of value to us…
Because the said control freaks are in a position of authority in our lives. They are family members, close friends of your parents or some such like. Moreover, they are extraordinarily persistent. I have no difficulty in resisting such people but I know many who succumb to the pressure these people exert. It is alarming to watch.
Super sarcasm suitably delivered. I love – “I mean, how dull it is to be making a mess of your own life all the time! One must take a break and mess up someone else’s life for a change!” 🙂
Sakshi Thank you dear lady! 😀
Ah, the well meaning but absolutely useless well wishers! India is thoroughly swamped by the likes of them.
Thank you, Dagny, for writing to them on our behalf.
Well meaning? Like the bull is well meaning when he enters a china shop? Wokay… never thought of it that way but doubtless you are right. 😀
Why are we all issued with these? Are they given our ‘numbers’ the moment we are born and told to go forth and make us miserable! Thankfully, the moment I started putting my foot down (real hard), they disappeared! 😉
It seems they are given our number when we are born Corinne. We all have our own share of them.
I can almost see you place a well clad foot on their face and grinding every wet bit of them out of existence. Atta gurl! 😀
Hahaha! Now these virtuous people have never seen fit to trouble me thankfully 🙂 Maybe because my replies are so irreverent the first time that they think that good advice is totally wasted on me 🙂 As it indeed would have been 🙂
I can well believe your ‘water off a duck’s back’ reaction Suresh. 😀
That is one reason I love my middle finger. But yes, there are times when I abhor human presence because of such people. Even after showing them the middle finger, they will not leave you alone and come back to tell you how wrong you are. I wish there was a dimension where I could throw them forever.
Middle fingers are very useful, no doubt. But sometimes one frankly needs a parallel universe. 😀